In my last article, I wrote about the Circle of Life and the 12 different areas that can influence our wellbeing. One of them is Joy. It sounds simple enough, but when I started thinking about what joy means to me, I realized I had somehow pushed it to the side of everyday life, especially as I became an adult and later a mother.
For a long time, I thought of joy as something that happened outside of the daily routine: on a holiday, at dinner with friends, during a celebration, or simply when having something exciting to look forward to. Everyday life, on the other hand, was often about getting things done and I often felt that once everything was taken care of, I could finally relax and enjoy myself. But life rarely reaches that point.
This made me think about all the things we do to take care of ourselves. Nutrition, movement, sleep, rest and all the other things we are encouraged to do for our wellbeing can also be sources of joy. For me, running has always been a good example. I don’t run simply because exercise is good for me. I love being outside, having time to myself and the feeling I get afterwards. Running can leave me feeling lighter, calmer and more connected to myself.
But somewhere along the way, especially after becoming a mother, I started experiencing some of these things differently. The things that were once ways of taking care of myself gradually became an obligation, things I felt I had to do. Another responsibility, another thing to remember, another box to tick. When something becomes another task on an already full list, it can be easy to lose the joy that was there in the first place.
Why am I doing what I am doing?
Sometimes we can become so focused on doing the things we believe we are supposed to do that we lose sight of why we started doing them in the first place. A run can become something I need to fit into my week rather than something I look forward to. Cooking can become another meal that needs to be prepared rather than something I enjoy creating for the people I love. Even taking care of ourselves can become another responsibility when we lose connection with the reason behind it.
For me, sustainable wellness is not only about having the discipline to do the things that are good for me. It is also about creating a life in which those things can feel nourishing, enjoyable and meaningful. I don’t think the answer is to stop doing all the things that need to be done. Life is full of responsibilities, and many of them are meaningful. The question is whether we can stay connected to the reason behind them, rather than letting the doing become the whole point.
The joy of simply looking forward to something
When I was a child, I loved Christmas like most children do. I loved the anticipation, the traditions and the feeling that something special was coming. I didn’t have to create the experience; I simply lived it. Christmas was something to look forward to.
Then I became a mother, and Christmas changed. Suddenly I was responsible for creating the magic. There were presents to buy and wrap, food to prepare, traditions to keep and expectations to manage. Especially when my children were younger, I sometimes felt more anxiety than excitement. Something that had once represented pure anticipation had become another thing I felt responsible for getting right.
Over the years, Christmas has become more joyful for me again. We have developed our own traditions, and I am learning that I don’t have to create the perfect Christmas for everyone else. I can enjoy it too. I can watch my children get excited and allow their excitement to remind me of something I may have forgotten along the way: the joy of simply looking forward to something.
Perhaps this is also something we can learn from children. They seem to be much better at being fully present in what is happening right now. They can become completely immersed in a game, a conversation, a new discovery or the anticipation of something exciting. They aren’t always thinking about what needs to happen next.
As adults, and especially as mothers, we can become very good at managing life. We organize, plan and solve problems, always thinking about what needs to happen next. We can move through an entire day taking care of everything that needs to be done, only to reach the end of it and wonder where the day went.
The joy of being present in the moment
This summer, I experienced my first total solar eclipse in Iceland. There was a special kind of excitement in the air as people stopped what they were doing and waited to see the eclipse. Everyone looked up as the sky became darker. We knew the moment would be brief once the moon blocked the sun completely, which somehow made it more meaningful. For those few minutes, there was nowhere else to be and nothing else to do but experience what was happening. And then, just like that, it was over. Daylight returned, the excitement settled and life continued. What stayed with me was not only the eclipse itself, but the way it made people pause. We didn’t need to be reminded to be present. The moment called for it.
Everyday life is different. There is always another task waiting, something to organise, someone who needs us, or somewhere we need to be. We move from one thing to the next, often so focused on what comes after that we barely notice the moments in between.
Perhaps making room for joy means creating some of those moments intentionally. Not escaping our responsibilities or waiting for life to slow down but finding small spaces within the day where we can simply be present. It might be making a favourite cup of coffee and taking the time to actually enjoy it, sitting in a comfortable chair and reading a chapter of a book you love, going for a walk without needing to get anywhere, or taking twenty minutes to sit quietly and meditate.
These moments may seem small, especially compared with something as extraordinary as a total solar eclipse. But perhaps their value lies precisely in the fact that we can create them again and again. They give us a chance to step out of the constant doing, even if only for a little while, and reconnect with ourselves.
For me, making room for joy is not about having fewer responsibilities. It is about not losing myself in them. It is about creating space within everyday life to notice what nourishes me, to be present, and to enjoy the life I am actually living.
Sometimes joy doesn’t need to be found somewhere else. Sometimes we simply need to make a little room for it.
If this article has made you pause and think about your own life, I’d love to hear about it. Feel free to get in touch, or you can take the free Wellness Assessment to see what is working well across five areas of wellness and what might need more attention right now. It is completely free.
With care,
Rannveig
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